June 20 marked 2 whole months living at our new property. It also marked the day that I reached 36 weeks in my pregnancy. This was me a few days before-
Notice the highly unfinished room also reflecting in that mirror? To put it simply, the date I had set that we MUST be fully settling into the house, that ominous date that months ago I had threatened The Carpenter with, “Have me in that house by then, or else…” flew by over a week ago without a second glance. Some things you just can’t make happen faster, no matter how hard you wish and pray, and then you just have to deal. And there has been a LOT of “just dealing” going on around these parts!
Let me try to bring you up to speed a bit. After we had been in the 5th wheel for 6 weeks my inlaws came to the rescue and invited the boys and me to come stay with them for a while to give The Carpenter some uninterrupted time to work on the house and give us a break. It rained all that week, which meant that we would have been stuck in the trailer that whole time… and I likely would have certifiably lost my mind!
Instead I spent the week somewhat relaxing (I say somewhat because I did still have two very rambunctious little boys with me!) at their beautiful home in the woods, having help with the boys and only having to assist with dinners (in a REAL kitchen mind you!). My mother-in-law and I went shopping, worked on sewing curtains for the new house, stayed up late talking and in-general had some good bonding time. I was even privileged to be able to take numerous baths in her huge, claw-foot soaker tub and to receive a two-hour massage from an amazing massage therapist from their church! (Which, let me tell you, was SO needed! This has been a no-frills pregnancy and since I suffer serious muscle cramping and spasms in my back and on my ribs because of my scoliosis, it couldn’t have come a day too soon!)
Fabric for Kitchen
It was a lovely week and a half and the only reason I even wanted to come home in the slightest was because the carpet was finally installed in our bedrooms so we could actually sleep in them and begin moving things in. That was now a week and a half ago and since then I have started to get a little bit settled. It seems though that I will have a really good day of getting a lot done and then I am positively wiped out to do anything the next! Such are the perils of unpacking while 8 months pregnant!
And when I look at the sheer volume of things that need to be finished on the house and then everything that still fills my garage that has to be moved in (that has been completely ransacked by mice and requires extensive cleaning)- I get overwhelmed.
And then I remember that I actually have to push a baby out of my hoo-hah in a matter of 4-6 weeks and all of this has to be accomplished by then, and I also have to get everything set and prepared for the birth, postpartum recovery… and the BABY (ya know, that entirely new, completely helpless little person we will be adding to our ranks in that whole process!)- and I get more overwhelmed!
And then I am reminded of how we have to move BACK into the 5th wheel next Tuesday (at 37 weeks pregnant!) for at least a week while our hardwood floors are finished- and I start to cry!
Oh, and then my husband starts going over his schedule with me, letting me know that once again, for another birth, he will either be heading out of town right when I am due or directly after it. Meaning that he may not be here for the birth and/or the week directly following it, leaving me completely alone to recover and take care of 3 children… on a farm… likely without any major appliances… and possibly in lieu of the house actually being finished or even our furniture being moved in…
And I have an all-out BREAK DOWN!!! (which I try to hide from him because I know it just stresses him out more)
Let’s be real here- this whole arrangement sucks! I’m tired! I am SO ready to just. be. done! I have dreams about what it would be like to cook in an oven again! I fantasize over baking and actually being able to prepare freezer meals to take care of my family after the baby is born. I daydream about being able to walk around my house without shoes on and not fearing stepping on carpet tack or a staple or nail. I have nightmares about being so unsettled that I have to birth this baby in my car…and that my six year old will have to deliver her… while my three year old chases the snakes in my yard!
My goal (one that I had thought would be very attainable) was to have this place feel like home when I birthed my little girl, but from where I sit right now I feel like I am just going to be shooting her out into the midst of utter chaos. This goes against ALL my nesting instincts!
Maybe she could just wait and be born in say, September or October?
Oh, that’s not how this thing works? Well blast it anyhow!
Ok, so ready or not, here she comes! What can I do? I can do what I can. I can keep unpacking things in our bedrooms for the next couple of days. I can keep washing all of our clothes and linens from the garage. I can finish preparing all the supplies for our birth and put them in an easily accessible place just in case we have to move this thing at the last minute.
Next week I can work on organizing and preparing our curriculum for next year, since I’ll be banned from the house. And I can usher in a little bit of lovely by continuing to work on the blanket I am crocheting and the soakers I am knitting for my little girl…
So, you can probably tell why I have been refraining from blogging much. I’m frustrated, and frustration doesn’t translate well into consistent writing… at least not if you want to keep your audience! I long to acquire some new sense of normal that includes time and inspiration to fill this blog with goodness again, but for the mean time, I’m just not there. Give me a little time and I’m sure I’ll be back, and I hope to pop in here and there and share something interesting or fun, or just provide another update. For now though, if you could just wait for me, keep me in your reader and know that I’ll be back when I have a real life again… well I would appreciate it! Thank you friends!