Well, here I am in this same old waiting game- 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant- no end in sight. It seems that all at once I am staggered to be here already and yet can't believe I'm not on the other side yet! I had quite a few friends who were due around when I was and most of them have two-week-olds at this point while I have pain in my ribs and a party in my belly every night from 11:00pm to 1:00 am!
In many ways it feels like this phantom child we have been discussing for months now and calling by name, will never arrive! There are even moments when I start to wonder if there is really a baby in there at all! And then I start doing math. As of today I have been “overdue” pregnant a total of 24 days in my life! By the time this girly finally decides to make her entrance I could very well bring that length of time to over a month! It all seems a little insane!
This photo taken at 39 weeks & 2 days (while the hubs was gone for a week with no cell service! That was fun!)
It's at this point that I also begin to feel a little insane and get a wild hair to start using this pregnancy for my own amusement (there should be some perks, right?)! For instance, yesterday I posted this on Instagram-
There's a small part of me that when asked, “When are you due?” wants to respond with, “Oh, I'm not pregnant.” just to see the look on people's faces. Bt that would probably be mean- drat anyhow. I suppose I get almost as good of a reaction when I tell them I was due last week and could erupt into spontaneous labor at any moment, forcing them to catch the baby!
I find this to be especially true of men. They seem to think that if you've hit your due date that means the second you pop into labor that baby is going to come flying out! Don't worry boys- I've got a little time, and anyways- I'm a professional. (name that movie- anyone, anyone?)
But on a more serious note, it does feel fitting that she wouldn't be coming according to any of my plans. After all, nothing in the last 10 months has gone quite as we had hoped, or at least planned. Everything has looked and felt different than we anticipated and has happened on a timetable that is very much not our own and much of the time occurring at the very last minute. So why wouldn't her birth follow suit?!
Even so, there have been very distinct moments lately when everything has felt like just too much to handle and the unpredictability of life seemed as though it would slay me. In the midst of being in the depths of one of those days last week I read a post by Sally Clarkson titled “Will You Drink This Cup?” I actually put off reading it for a days just because I knew that the title was leading into a post I didn't feel ready to hear. When I finally did read it, though, it not only humbled me but brought refreshment to my soul- after all, even Jesus asked His Father to take away the cup! The bigger point is, though, that even though He didn't want to drink it, He was willing to and He did it anyway.
I'm glad it is ok for me to ask that the cup be taken away, because it often does just feel like too much to drink! And believe me, I ask that the cup be removed a LOT (regarding more than just this pregnancy!)! The hard part is (the part that I really have to work on!) being willing to drink it anyway, if that is what the Lord should ask, and to do it with love and joy.
So, now, though I pray that she will come this week, I have to be willing to wait. Though I pray that my husband will be able to take off any time at all to help me postpartum, and won't have to leave for an out of town too quickly after she is born, I have to be willing to find a way to do it on my own. Though I pray that she will come before I'm forced to have to clean the bathrooms again, I have to be willing to repeat those nesting tasks over and over until she is in my arms!
The Belly, waiting on the front porch last week for The Carpenter to get back home from his out of town job.
And as I wait I will try to keep myself busy and distracted. I will try to immerse myself in the joy of spending time with my boys before a little girl changes our whole dynamic. And I will continue to set up this little display every night in the hopes that that is the night, and in the early moments of labor I will be able to add all the goodies I made to it and celebrate that, at last, the Lord has finally decided to bless us with the presence of our sweet Miss outside the womb!
So, would you like to place any bets as to when she will make her debut?! Before or after the Olympics start? Before August? What do you think?