Bold Turquoise

Mar 21 2011

So, you’re marrying my son…

Letter #1 of The Research Years Letters

Dear Daughter-in-law,

I assume that upon reading this letter you have very recently married one of my sons. Congratulations! I love him, he’s wonderful (whichever one you’ve married they are both equally so!), and you’re one lucky gal!

You should also know that I am not bias is any way. 🙂

So, yes- you’ve married this remarkable son of mine. Son. As, in male. As in, at some point or another, along with being wonderful, he is doomed to be insensitive, disgusting, and quite possibly (and honestly) a downright jerk.

I am so sorry.  They are just different from us- we can never completely understand them!

But beyond that, there is something even more important that I want you to know. I am writing this letter to you when these sons of mine (the two that I have so far, anyway) are nearly 5 years old (Rhythm) and 21 months old (Lion Cub). And although they are only at these tender young ages, I am thinking of you- the women I will someday turn them over to.

Yup- you'll have your hands full!

I am praying for you, even though you may not even be born.

I am telling them about you- the value in waiting for you and having respect for you even before they meet you, as demonstrated in their respect for others, especially women.

The Carpenter and I aim to teach them the value of hard work so that they will diligently provide for you and your family, and give you the kind of freedom that allows you to be the best wife (and hopefully, eventually, mother) that you want to be and that God wants for you to be. We strive to capture his heart and teach him in the ways of the Lord so that he will be a pillar for and strong leader of your family.

I am trying my best to teach them about compassion and as they grow I will do my darndest to teach them about the differences between our genders that go far beyond the physical. I hope to teach them the honest value of romancing you and encouraging you. I pray and deeply desire for them to be in love with you, take care of you and be captivated with you until death do you part.

Of course I pray many things for you too, but I will probably save those for another letter. For now I just want you to know that I fully recognize my roll in helping prepare my sons for you. Now, undoubtedly, God is the ultimate teacher and He will do far more to teach these boys than I ever can, but I know that I am one of the tools He will use to chisel these boys into Godly men for you. I will try my hardest, and listen to Him as clearly as I can- I promise you that.

I won’t do everything right. These boys will grow to be their own men with their own opinions and ways of doing things, and they will mess up. Thankfully God is graceful and He helps us learn to be too.

So be graceful with my sons. Remember that they are men, and a certain extent of that they just can’t help! 😉 But if they get too out of line, well then just pray… and come tell Mama Kenz! Cause trust me- I know you’ve got your hands full with them their lads!

I love you even now! And welcome to the family!


PS- I should mention that after reading this to The Carpenter he felt that I was a bit of a man-hater. I’m not! For goodness sake- I’m living with three and I love them to bits! But truth be told, there are just some things about men that make them, well… men! All I’m saying is that I’m doing my best to make them good ones and give my daughter-in-laws fair warning! If someone’s going to have to tell you laides that their husbands may not be what they expect in their dreamy state of engagement, it might as well be the person who loves these guys as much as they do (aka- their mother!)!

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2 thoughts on “So, you’re marrying my son…

  1. Carrie

    This is beautiful. I love that you are so forthcoming in your role of raising husbands. When I read the letter it did not come off as man hating to me. It came off as honest which I think is healthy. I was oblivious to the real character of a man before getting married and it made things tough for awhile until I finally got it. Now I am also able to respect and appreciate those qualities in my husband because they are what makes him a man. Thanks for sharing your prayers for your future daughter-in-law. It is very encouraging and is a reminder that I need to do that more often!


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