Bold Turquoise

Jun 19 2013

Walking on Broken Glass

After a year of living in our little country home we were finally able to re-finance. It was a long, arguous process, much longer than it should have been, but at last on June 3 it was complete. Our sacrifices had paid off- our value had greatly increased and we would have the funds to be able to wrap up some lingering projects at long last. Things we have been doing without for ages would finally be possible. A car to truly fit our family. Clothes that fit and didn’t have holes. Furniture, decor, appliances, computers to actually serve our needs as a technology-based and homeschooling family. It was all coming together after much heart ache, stress and sacrifice. We were even going to take our first family vacation as the 5 of us ( we haven’t been able to take any sort of vacation since I was pregnant with Judah 4 1/2 years ago).

On Judah’s 4th birthday, June 9t, we headed for Seattle, determined to take in the sights and expereince as much as we possibly could. Woodland Park Zoo? Check. Harbor Cruise? Why not?! Space Needle and Aquarium? Of course! Monorail? Can’t miss that with two little boys! Pacific Science Center and Ride the Ducks amphibious tour? Perhaps this is where we went wrong… we will never know. All we know is that on the day we were switching hotels to squeeze in one more day and take Seattle for all it was worth WE were taken for all we were worth.

At 5:30 last Tuesday evening we entered the Pacific Science Center Parking Garage to find the back window of the SUV we had purchased just days before, smashed to smithereans and all four of our bags taken.

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My iPad, which has been my computer for nearly 2 years and contained over 4,000 photos of our family and house ( including everything of Emmerson) along with hundreds of dollars in curricula, PDFs and ebooks (Grapevine, Homeschool in the Woods, Write the Word, adn SOOOOOO many more)- gone. (Not to mention the brand new Zagg keyboard case it was housed in.)

The baby blanket I have been crocheting for Emmerson for over a year- gone.

The new summer clothes we had just purchased the kids and ourselves ( and received for birthdays)- gone.

Every last one of Emmerson’s best cloth diapers- gone.

My Young Living Essential Oils, which I have grown to rely on (and needed even more so in the midst of battling a horrible cold)- gone.

Top of the line Sonicare Toothbrushes we had received as Christmas gifts- gone.

Make-up, retainers, glasses, contacts- everything we use in our day-to-day life vanished in the blink of an eye. All that was left was the glass drug across the pavement to where our things were, undoubtedly, carelessly flung into a waiting vehicle and sped away with.

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Apparently even in a booming metropolis such as Seattle they fail to offer 24-hour glass repair services to vehicles, so we were forced to cancel our hotel room (which they VERY nearly didn’t reimburse us for) and return home in the middle of the night, without so much as a toothbrush. It was a 5 hour drive with no back window, in the rain- our poor boys being sprayed for most of the ride and splashed with the constant reminder of our loss. We arrived home at 3:30 am, exhausted, sick and heartbroken.

Even now, a week later my heart aches and my stomach lurches. My head hasn’t yet been able to make sense of it or attempt to comprehend it because we were flung into the busyness of trying to at least replace the necessities until our insurance decides how much of our loss they are willing to cover (after the $425 we had to pay for the window and the $1000 deductible on our homeowners insurance).

The things are frustrating to lose because they take time and work to replace. Many of them were brand new but sold out of at the stores we went back to to buy them from again. Other items have been collected over years and years and were just familiar and what we liked. Many items are no longer even made (such as SIX of the diapers I had with me). And lots of things, such as clothes I had carefully chosen for my baby girl back when I was still pregnant with her, hold sentimental value that far outweighed their monetary worth. They are now, most assuredly, in a dumpster somewhere as I highly doubt that heartless thieves have any use for toddler pajamas and the swim shirts of little boys.

But the photos and the crocheted flowered squares for Emmerson’s blanket- those are the losses that haunt me. Those are the things that can’t be replaced. They didn’t just rob us of things- they stole our memories. They broke our hearts.

I’d like to think they didn’t know they were stealing from children, but the carseats and strollers they waded through to take our bags remind me that they knew full well what they were doing and from whom they were stealing. I don’t understand such people and it is especially frustrating that we are probably, really, no better off than they are in life but they felt entitled to take what we have worked so hard and waited so patiently for. It leaves you feeling broken, stripped, downright angry.

It’s easy to get mad at God about it. “Why won’t You let us catch a break God?! Why does there always have to be SOMETHING?! We were just getting a LITTLE bit ahead and now in a moment we are even worse off?! Why Jesus?! You’re supposed to be in control of these things- You didn’t have to let it happen!!!”

But He has infinitely more self-control and patience than I do. He is loving regardless of my tantrums. And when I look to Him, He reminds me that He wants good things for us but that we live in a fallen world. His ways are not my ways and I will likely never understand them. I have to come to grips with that.

And so I am looking for ways to heal. I’m looking for things to be thankful for. I’m trying to remember the good moments from the trip and I’m trying to be ok with moving on. But, to be honest, it isn’t coming easy- it’s a slow and painful process. Would you pray for me (and my husband) about that?

Over the next week or so I hope to come back and share some of the good, and ridiculous, moments from the trip, along with a few of the mercies God has bestowed on me in the process. I am even going to let you know of a way you can tangibly help heal this mama’s heart with some yarn and a crochet hook, so be sure to come back for that.

And to you, thieves, I sure hope you opened up my daughter’s diaper wet-bag and took a nice big wiff! I never thought I’d say this, but I actually wish she hadn’t started only pooing on the toilet two weeks ago, cause let’s face it- you sort of deserved to stick your hand in a bag full of poo! But alas- she was generous to you and you were only faced with a sack of ammonia-laden cloth that is sure to wreak to high heaven by now! How’s that for taking candy from a baby?!

There is two final things I am sure of in all this- I’ve never been more happy than this moment that we live in the country and the next time we take a vacation it will be to a dude ranch in the middle of Montana! City life ain’t all it’s cracked up to be!

This post is filed under BOLD mothering, the BOLD confessional, Uncategorized and has been tagged with

6 thoughts on “Walking on Broken Glass

  1. Lauren

    You are precious and loved by me and even more by the One Who created you! I can’t begin to tell you how to respond because I don’t know that I could face something like this! But I can tell you this – He’s gonna use this for his glory! Praying you through this and I can’t wait to find out what your idea is!

    Reply
  2. Carrie

    In so sorry that the selfishness of others cast a shadow on your family vacation and for the loss of such precious and irreplaceable items. There is also a feeling of violation that comes with something like that. Our house was broken into once and it was such a strange sensation to come home and realize our front door had been kicked in. It just isn’t something that ever makes sense.

    Reply
  3. Liz G

    I know the sense of entitlement theives often have — they see the result of your hard work and patience but do not see the effort and sacrifice it took to gain.

    I hope you are able to collaborate with women around you to help restore some of what was lost, though I know some things are unable to be restored.

    I just ordered far too many fitted bamboo diapers… if that’s your style, you are welcome to a few 😉

    Reply
  4. Jodi

    Dear sweet friend, you have been on my heart. So on my heart. How are you? I am so sorry for your loss. I remember when everything was stolen from Brian and I — that feeling of being invaded — it just feels so personal to have some stranger touch your things. I am praying for you.

    Reply
    1. mackenzie Post author

      Sorry it has taken me so long to reply! Not having my ipad has put a serious cramp in my style! We have been soooooo busy for sooooo long now that I think it has really helped me not be able to just sit around and think about it! Moments still hit me and frustration still rings (like when I try to get my boys ready to play outside and their really nice swim shirts that were a gift are not here), but over all I’m doing ok. Thank you for caring!

      Reply
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